16 Mar 121. Keep Your Promise to Your Readers, ft. Rachel Luna, author of “Permission to Offend”

What levels up a book from just being good to being great?

Listen in as author and master coach Rachel Luna describes her journey from book proposal to book deal and from writing her book to seeing it hit the bestseller list.

Rachel lets us peek behind the curtain to see her process on how she dealt with rejection along the way and why there are some life stories she’ll never tell.

For more writing tips and inspiration, follow me on Instagram @candiceldavis.

Mentioned in This Episode

Permission to Offend by Rachel Luna

Rachel Luna’s Instagram @girlconfident

Style Therapy by Lauren Messiah

Lauren Messiah’s Instagram @laurenmessiah

Authors Ignited: Group Coaching Program for Nonfiction Authors

Jump-Start: A free guide to help you jump-start your nonfiction book.

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Episode Transcript

Candice

Welcome to “Nothing but the Words,” Rachel. I’m so excited to have you here.

Rachel

Thank you for having me, friend. I’m very excited to be here.

Candice

So in full disclosure, Rachel is my client. I coached her on her book, and she is also my coach. She coaches me in her mastermind. She coaches me on my business and life in her mastermind programs. This is my second year working with Rachel, and I had a great time coaching her through her book. So you know, we are friends and we work together.

That being said, tell us about “Permission to Offend,” Rachel. What made you write this book?

Rachel  

You did! You made me write this book! I don’t even know how that’s the question we’re starting off with. Really? Yes. This is all your fault, Candice.

Candice

I’ll happily take the blame for your best-selling book.

Rachel 

Well, first, I just want to take a step back about, for me, what this relationship has meant, and I love that we have been each other’s clients. And for anyone listening, we pay each other. So there is always that exchange of resources, an exchange of time of value and money. And that’s really important for me, too. I’m on this like, pulpit if you will, of reinforcing the message that we pay our friends. Yeah, we love to pay our friends.

We love to support our friends, not just in our words or actions, but also with our dollars and cents, and so for me, I already knew I wanted to write a second book. I had self-published the first book many years ago, called “Successful People Are Full of Crap,” courage, resilience, authenticity, perseverance. And I knew that there was another book in me, but I didn’t want to self-publish it because I wanted to be paid to write the book. That was something that I felt I needed, that motivation, that knowing that someone else was counting on me to finish it and that I was contractually obligated to finish it.

And so when I self-published my first book, by the way, I wrote that book all on my own. I hired a writing coach. I can’t remember her name, but I remember her face, and she was super sweet and nice, but I hired her for like, one or two sessions. And a regret that I have was that I didn’t have a coach with me for the entire process. That would have made the difference.

And that was the difference maker with “Permission to Offend.” So when I decided I wanted to write a second book, I knew I needed help. Our mutual friend, your other client, Patrice Washington connected us, and you and I began writing a very different book.

Candice 

So different, Rachel. Yeah, totally different.

Rachel

A totally different book. And I think that book was going to be called “Girl Confident.” And I was using that book to be sort of like the calling-card book. Yeah. When I made that decision, you and I had spoken about, you know what the book would be about. And I was also really swept up in the momentum of what the online marketers were telling me was that you need a book that you can write in a weekend, and that’ll be your calling-card book.

This book should be your signature course, in written form. And I feel like if a reader is going to invest their time and their money, I want to give them stuff in the book. I want them to walk away with actionable steps and principles. So you and I worked on Girl Confident, and it just wasn’t the right book. It started to become more of a memoir I don’t know if you remember that. And I was like “okay, we’re not going to release this book.”

And that also, Candice, was the value of having you by my side to be able to make that tough decision of this is not the book that we’re going to finish. This is not the story we’re going to tell. And I think that if I had been left to my own devices, I probably would have self-published another crappy book with all of my secrets, and all of my business out on Front Street.

So fast forward a couple years later, a client of mine had just been given a book deal. And shout out to Lauren Messiah. We can name names. Her name is Lauren Messiah.

Candice 

She is right by the way. I love it.

Rachel 

Right! “Style Therapy” is the name of that book. She’s a stylist but she also teaches people how to become stylists. So she had just gotten the book deal for “Style Therapy”. And at the time, she was my client, and she says, “When are you going to put your book out?” There is something extra special about your clients telling you, “Keep up with me.”

Candice  

Wow. And I can see Lauren saying that.

Rachel 

Yeah. And so I was like, I don’t want to write a book. She’s like, yes, you do. You have a book, and you’ve talked about it. You’ve wanted to. This has been a dream of yours. Go get a publisher. Finish your proposal.

And I said, “You know what it really is? I don’t want to write the proposal.” Wow. That was what it was. I didn’t want to write the proposal. Later, as I started writing the book with your help, I realized that not only did I not want to write the proposal, but I didn’t want to tackle the three things we actually tackle in the book: judgment, rejection, and defamation.

I didn’t want anybody to judge my book proposal. I definitely didn’t want the rejection that is part of the job. Rejection is part of the job. Whether you’re an entrepreneur, whether you’re an author, if you’re a mother, a wife, a preacher, a teacher, like it’s part of life, and we so often try to tiptoe around it.

We’re avoiding pain and disappointment so much that we are then castigating ourselves to pain and disappointment of not actually fulfilling our dreams. So which pain and disappointment do you want? Do you want the pain and disappointment of rejection as you pursue your dreams? Or do you want the pain and disappointment of never even having the opportunity to see a dream fulfilled?

Candice 

Yeah, well,

Rachel 

So she kind of lit the fire under my butt. And she said I didn’t need a book proposal. My agent just got me the deal. I was like, “Well, I don’t have an agent like that.” She said, “I’ll introduce you.” So she introduces me to her agent. And guess what the agent says to me, Candice.

Candice 

Write a proposal?

Rachel 

That’s exactly what she said. I was like, “you gotta be kidding me!”

Candice 

Thanks. Appreciate that.

Rachel 

But Lauren did not have to write a proposal, and she said, “Lauren’s in a different category.” And I was like, I want to be in that category. And then you know, what I learned is that even bestselling authors, even “New York Times” bestselling authors, need to write proposals, even after they’ve had a best seller.

Yeah, I didn’t know this. I have a friend who’s on her fourth book. She’s already written three books. One of the three books was hugely successful. The second book did really well also, you know, like, some books are going to be more successful than others. And she’s writing a fourth book proposal.

Candice  

The first book’s success does not guarantee the fourth book success. And if a publisher is going to invest their money, and they do invest money in publishing your book, they want you to prove to them that this book is going to sell, period.

Rachel 

Exactly. So I wrote the proposal with your help as well. And I remember sitting in on like a webinar for a woman who used to be an editor at the publishing houses. Her webinar was like “I will help you write a book proposal that gets you a $50,000 advance,” but no guarantee but the proposal will be good enough that if someone buys it then it should be in the $50,000 range. So I hired her to do one of those like read throughs of the proposal.

Now you and I had worked on it, and I already knew I was turning in something really good. But I wanted her lens because she had just left the publishing world. You know, second opinion type thing. That was a mistake, Candice. She reads our proposal. And she says to me, this is a good start, but we need at least six more months of work. I remember that. I remember thinking to myself, who does this woman think she is? She’s crazy. Six months and this is the other thing she said. She said— Okay, no, let me take a step back.

You know, I’m a big journaler, so I had been praying that I was going to get a book. I was gonna get an agent by September and a book deal by December of 2020. This is in the middle of the pandemic, by the way. So she says to me, this is July or August, she’s like, “Oh, I would not even think about putting this proposal out. I wouldn’t send it, it’s not ready.”

And I would wait until February of next year, because nobody’s gonna buy a book. During the holidays. They don’t buy it like the publishing industry shuts down. Nobody buys books during the holidays. And I was defeated.

I felt so deflated and defeated. And I remember talking to you about it, and you were like, well, friend, that’s just one person’s opinion. You know, and I was like, I know but you know, this is so stupid, you know, because I’m passionate about things like that. And I said, Well, how much? How much do you think it’ll cost me to work with you? And she says $20,000.

Now listen, I am not afraid of making investments I have invested in myself. Many, many, many times over the years. $5,000 I’m not afraid of that kind of investment. And I said to her, Well, do you guarantee that I’m gonna invest this $20,000 and I will get a $50,000 proposal and she’s like, well, I can’t guarantee that it’s going to get picked up either way, but I know that I will help you write a better proposal.

Candice 

Oh, you’re supposed to invest the $20,000 with no guarantee at all.

Rachel 

And it’s just the proposal. It’s not even helping me finish the book just for the proposal.

Candice 

I’m not and again, if you were starting from scratch, that actually might make sense, depending on the percent, but you already had a solid proposal.

Rachel 

I had a great proposal already done. So now I don’t know if our listeners know, but I did not know this until that was in the game. When you get a book advance, say you get a $50,000 book advance. You don’t get $50,000 in your bank account in one shot, or whatever actually. This is true because they can actually shelf it. That’s a whole other thing.

Candice 

And your agent gets a percentage off the top.

Rachel 

Oh, that’s right. I forgot about that. The agent gets 15%. 15% by the way, a friend of mine was telling me that she was talking to an agent who wanted 25%

Candice 

That’s why I don’t even trust that person at that point. Even if they decided to reduce it. The fee is 15%. Y’all it’s been that for decades now.

Rachel

It is what it is. That has not adjusted for inflation. Because a proposal has adjusted for inflation.

Candice 

Right. The advance should have adjusted for inflation in advance.

Rachel 

So you don’t get it in one shot. So let’s say you get $50,000 You might get once you it might be broken down from three anywhere from three to four chunks. And by the way, that third or fourth payment could be sent a year after the book launches. 

Candice 

Yep, that’s true. 

Rachel 

So when I started doing them, the math wasn’t math-ing, Candice, because when I started doing the math, I realized wait a second. I’m gonna end up paying to write this book. So I said thank you, but no, thanks. Long story short. I don’t think this was the question you asked me but here we are with stories. Okay.

So I put a notice in a group that I’m a part of, and I’m like, Hey, can anybody like this is what’s happening and my girlfriend says, I’m going to connect you to my agent. I can’t make any promises but she’ll at least take a look at it. This was the exact same agent that I had journaled about working with like a decade ago. Her name is Michelle, and she’s fantastic.

Now you might be asking yourself, Well, how did you know who Michelle was in the first place? Because I read the acknowledgments section of every book that I buy first. I want to know who helped bring this baby to life. Who are the people that I should be paying attention to? Because if they made it to the acknowledgement section of someone’s book, they have really withstood the battle they’ve been with that author. So I already knew of this agent. The agent looks at my proposal. She sends an email and she says send your proposal. It’ll either go to me or my husband if we decide to go with you.

The very next day, I get an email she says, “You’re with me, kid.” Oh, it was so cute. We get on a call. She says Who helped you with this proposal? I said, Well, you know, I did most of it. And I had my writing coach kind of edit it. She goes, nobody wrote this for you? I said no, I’ve had help with my writing coach, but she goes, this is great. She said, there are a couple of things I do want you to change because of the way the market is shifting in the publishing world, but this is great.

You want people in your corner who think that this work that you’re writing is necessary. Yeah, it’s important. It’s fresh, it’s whatever. So you know, once all those little pieces were in motion, I was like, well, I guess I gotta write it now. And do you know, Candice? Well, I know you do know that. But listeners do you know? I signed with my agent in August. And I got my book deal in October of 2022, months before my deadline, six months before the original woman even wanted to start marketing me and it was because I gave myself permission to offend, because I activated my truth, which is what we talked about in chapter one. And my belief was that this work was so good. I should be paid to write it. Yes. So I got a six figure book advance. Six figures.

Candice 

And here’s the thing, here’s the thing that you mentioned, right? You could have questioned your own judgment and just went with what the other woman said. You could have just put the whole thing on hold and said, Listen, she’s the expert. I’ve got to follow what she says. But you listened to your gut and look at the result that you got.

Rachel 

Well, and we got that result and then that’s when the next round, the real work, began. Right. So the proposal is like child’s play now. It’s like, we got to write this thing. And the first thing I did was call you. I was like, “Candice!”

Candice 

And I was on tap, just waiting.

Rachel 

At the ready, and it was like yay, but then it was, uh oh. Because as we started writing the book, my acquisitions editor, that’s the person that actually buys the book. So I’ll just talk about this part as well. So when people are interested in—when publishing houses are interested in your book, you’ll get on a meeting with them.

Sometimes a marketing department will be there. Sometimes they won’t. In my case, it was the Spanish language department because not only did they buy the rights in English, but they bought the rights in Spanish and so now my book is being translated into Spanish. The Spanish language edition is going to be released on April 4. So it’s just like all the dreams come true. Yeah. So the acquisitions editor, when we started going through the book, she had a vision for how we could make it very prescriptive. And I was like, “Well, I want to make it more of a story than prescriptive because I don’t stick with books that are overly prescriptive for me as a reader, like I’ll read it, and I’ll kind of thumb through it. But if it looks like a bunch, if it’s a listicles book, it doesn’t become a book I want to read.” So what we’ve submitted in the proposal, and the book that I’ve written, are also very different. Yeah, yeah. And I wish I had known that going into the proposal writing, because that would have freed me up from being so emotionally attached to what I was writing.

Candice

So when you were saying the acquisitions editor, was it that she pushed you to make it more prescriptive?

Rachel 

She wanted it to be prescriptive. She had a vision for what it was going to be. And it wasn’t necessarily my vision. I loved working with her though, so there was good collaboration. But then she ended up leaving so my new editor Sydney came in. I feel like that’s when, between Sydney and her ideas and her. She loved the book.

And so as I started sharing with Sydney and hearing her thoughts, and then you and I would have our calls, the book just took on this whole new life. Yeah. And this depth that it would never have had. If I had written it on my own. In particular, Candice, do you remember?

Maybe you don’t, but I remember. There was one. It might have even been chapter one or two. It was early. It was early in the book. To the next step, I needed to finish this one section. And I turned it in to you and I was really excited and proud of myself because I was like I am done. I don’t want to look at this. I want to move on to the next part of the book. Oh, you came back and your edits like the cut. First of all I told you to edit just for reading and you’re on here pointing out commas and periods.

Candice 

You cannot tell me how to do my job.

Rachel  

No, but that’s the beauty of having you as a coach is that you really push me. I didn’t want to see the apostrophes and the commas because I felt like you’re just highlighting everything that I’m not doing right, and I want to be praised and validated in chapter six and chapter five. I wanted to be validated. So you did these edits. And there was this one part. It was definitely chapter one, and you were like, okay, friend, I understand but I feel like you need to go give me more you need to go deeper here. And I was like, no, she either gets it or she doesn’t. You know, I’m very defiant. And so my wounded offender which is again in chapter four and the empathetic identity, excuse me and the offender identity framework. My wounded offender was out and I was like no, she either gets it or she doesn’t.

And you were so loving, yet firm and you said no, my friend. That’s not how that works. You’ve got to give the reader something more here you’ve got to go in deeper for your reader. As a reader, I would have felt the exact same way. I was tired of writing. I was tired of working on the same section over and over and over again.

But that is the beauty of having a coach and having a community like where you’re writing. So I had a community. I had my editor, I had you, I had some beta readers, you know, the people that were helping me along the way. As a writer I was exhausted. I’m so glad that you pushed me because when I go back and read my book, which I have read now nine times I have read this book.

Candice 

It’s probably more than that but in this incarnation nine times.

Rachel

Right as it is now as what you would get when you read it on when you grab it off the shelf. I have read this iteration of it nine times. I have 1000s of pages of manuscripts, old manuscript editions in my garage, so much so that it feels to have those you know, pack your things you got fired boxes.

Candice 

You’re saving all of those old manuscript drafts? I don’t blame you. I will absolutely save it but can you have them on a hard drive to write?

Rachel 

I’m sure I do. Just in case, okay? Yeah, but so every time I would, you know, remember what I did. I printed out the thing and I sent it to you physically.

Candice 

Yeah, which I love because I love working on paper. I come from old school, that’s how you edit: pen and paper. So I love that process.

Rachel 

I needed that in the early stages, right? But there are so many editors that would not even mess around with that. They’re not gonna entertain my tomfoolery. That’s their loss. The reason I keep those edits is because there are my notes in there. Yeah, there are full stories that never made it into this book that I can go into the editing room, the chat, you know the floor and pick up some of the pieces. And so I’m so grateful for the work that we did together because this book is a much, much better book. The other thing that you did for me, Candice, I don’t know if I shared this with you, but I’m gonna brag on you for a second.

When you were reading it, I remember like you would do the exercises. 

Candice 

Oh, yeah, absolutely. 

Rachel 

Yeah. And then you would come and give me the feedback and tell me where you got stuck, and so it was almost like I was tested. Everything in the book has been tested on clients over a decade of experience.

But it’s very different to coach a client audibly, the way that we’re doing here with the back and forth and having the dialogue, right? This is not a coaching session, but the way that we are right now versus when you write a book, it’s very one-sided. And so I don’t—I can only imagine what the client might say. But then you come in with a whole other fresh perspective. And it forced me to become a better writer as well because if it were up to me, you know, I’m comma-happy. Comma-happy and run-on-sentence Rachel, just call me that.

Candice 

That’s called a first draft. It’s supposed to be like that. That’s just getting the content on the page.

Rachel 

I feel like that also carried on to second, third and fourth and even you okay, here’s a fun thing too. As I read the book, now, you know, eight, nine, ten reads later, I find things I’m like, Oh, I wish I would have written this differently. And in chapter nine, there is one sentence that I did not include in the step three of the journaling framework that I give.

Candice 

Yeah. And I know exactly what you’re talking about. So are you talking about when we’re visualizing? Yes, and visualizing the actual doing, not just the having?

Rachel 

Yes. That’s such an important nuance. Yeah. But here’s the thing. I’ve taught that nuance for a decade. But it’s so different because when I’m teaching it, I’m way wordier. As you can be, but when you’re writing it, I have not figured out the one wrap it up sentence to be able to include it. And so we lost it and, man, I can’t wait for the second edition. Because that’s like this. I’m gonna beeline right, why change that? You know? I already know we’re gonna make it so I might remove one entire chapter altogether. I won’t tell you which one because I have a stepchild chapter in this. That’s not true. So this should be loved.

Candice 

I’ve got to go look now and figure out which one you’re talking about.

Rachel 

That I don’t love. And even when I was reading the audible. Yeah, when I’m reading that chapter, I literally did this. Gosh.

Candice 

Okay, so that brings us to a good point because you did read the audible version for your book. But with your contract that was not a given that you would be able to do that talk a little bit about that.

Rachel 

Listen, you want to talk about color me surprised when I saw that in my contract. So by the way, they send you this contract and it is long and there are all kinds of terms that I did not recognize which is why having an agent that you trust is important and/or a lawyer on deck to read it. In this particular case, I did not hire a lawyer. I really trusted my agent. I trust her implicitly still to this day. But disclaimer, get yourself a lawyer just in case. So as we’re looking through, I noticed that it says that if the author wants to read the audiobook, they must submit an audition tape. It’s because even though you might be great at podcasting, phenomenal onstage you might suck at reading aloud.

Candice 

Yeah, we’ve all heard audiobooks that we have returned to Audible because the author sucked at reading. You can return audio.

Rachel 

Like you have to have be great with inflection and tonality.

 

You know why I don’t return books? Because even if they suck, it still was a labor, and I’m on the other side. And I just feel like, you know what, you can have my 25 bucks because at least you tried.

Candice 

That’s my general rule, except that with Audible I treat it a little bit differently. Because if I return the audiobook, I’m just gonna buy the paperback or the Kindle. So it’s not like I’m not going to buy from the author. I’m just going to buy it in a different format.

Rachel 

Okay, all right. I can get down with that. There was one book, one hardcopy book, that I seriously considered. Marching back to the bookstore.

Candice 

You’re not gonna tell us what it was.

Don’t just give me the “why” in the book. No. If I paid for it now though, giving you the why that’s the free stuff. Yeah, a webinar. That’s the whatever I will sit through a free webinar for you to tell me why and the mindset shifts I need to make. Of course I’m not going to pay you $497 or $29 or whatever for you to just tell me the what and the why, but not even give me a first step how.

Yeah, yeah, I think that’s ridiculous. So that’s been happening. I want to go back to Sydney because you mentioned to me earlier when you first started this book, I know there was some question about how much of your faith, and you can include in the book talk a little bit about that journey.

Rachel 

Okay, so I’m a Christian. Candice, you know this. I love me some Jesus. Okay, yeah, so shout out to our Lord and Savior Jehovah Jireh, but I signed with a non-denominational publisher.

Candice 

Non-religious

Rachel 

Yeah, HarperCollins, Harper One actually does publish everything. Like their spiritual books. There’s like, books that I went to HarperCollins a couple of weeks ago after the Today Show, by the way, I was on the Today Show. And they tried to give me, like the whole place is books. So every time I go out there, they’re like, oh, here have this book, have that. You go home with a bag of books. Love it. I’m not mad at books. So you try to give me this book. I’m like, witchcraft or something or whatever. And the guy is like, Oh, you might like this book. I looked at it. I said, Oh, no, I won’t. I’m not gonna want this. I don’t want this on the plane with me. I don’t want that energy. But thank you. He was like, Well, what about this one? And I was like, oh, yeah, I’ll take this one. You know, and it was a book in Spanish. I was like, Oh, he’s really trying to get me ready for this Spanish language tour.

Candice 

It’s coming so you might as well get ready!

Rachel 

To start reading and getting my habla español up to speed. Stop it. I just got a second. Anyway. So um, so she was, I talked. It was like a light stroke of God just to say I’m a Christian, but I’m not trying to convert you. Believe what you want to believe. I don’t care. I care that you feel confident and safe to express your truth. That was pretty much it. Yeah.

As a believer as she was like I’d love for you to add more God in it. I’m like, but this is not a Christian book. And I don’t want—I don’t want you to put me in the Christian category. I want to be in the personal development category, because sometimes that’s what happens, right? Then you get loopholed and my ministry I know this already. I know that my ministry is not limited to working with people who are exclusively Christians. I love Christians, but I have a heart for human beings.

Candice 

Yeah, we have people in our mastermind who are not Christians at all. Yeah.

Rachel

And I love working with them and I’m here to serve them, and I don’t not talk about God.

Candice 

And they’re fine with it because they know what they’re getting when they sign up to work with you.

Rachel 

Because they know that I respect whatever their belief is.

Rachel 

I actually found that to be most difficult, that process of like adding more God in because, one, I wanted it to be organic. I didn’t want God to be the afterthought, which at that point, He was. And I didn’t want it to feel forced because personally I have a problem when there’s like a fourth agenda or when we’re gratuitously including things just to fit a narrative. And ultimately, what I landed on was making sure each chapter began with a Bible verse, like a scripture, and then reading the book again, and looking for where I would have credited God or where I would have naturally brought God into the conversation. And did that. Do you know what was one of the first things I did when I got the book because there’s an index at the end? I thought, I wonder how much did I talk about God? How much Jesus is actually in this book?

Candice 

Was it a lot when you looked in the index?

Rachel 

It was satisfying amount. It worked. I can’t remember what, excuse me, the other word I looked to see like that I talked about God more than I talked about this I can’t remember what the other this word was. Excuse me, but yeah, flip open to it. I know you got it right there.

Candice 

20 mentions of God that I can see from the index.

Rachel 

So you know, it’s a 300-page book. So what’s that like every 60 pages or so,

Candice 

Which I think it would have been a lot easier if you had that direction early on, right? Going back and kind of fitting it in. It’s a little bit harder. But I think we did such a great job of balancing it right. I don’t think you have to be a dyed-in-the-wool Christian to read this book, or benefit from it. You’re not selling God. You’re not pitching God. You’re just standing with God as God has manifested in your life.

Rachel 

Yes, exactly. Exactly.

Candice 

So sounds good.

Rachel

That’s how we did it. I feel like even after that, she was like, I think we could use a little more God and I was like, I think we’re good.

Candice 

She’s moving you over to the question section. You gonna be next to Joyce Meyer in the bookstore.

Rachel 

But I also understand why honestly, like, let’s just, I’m here to talk about all the things and pulling back the curtain. Why? Because the Christian market buys.

Candice 

Christian women in particular buy books.

Rachel 

So if I could have somehow gotten my foot in that door, you know, that this probably would have been a hole. You know, I probably would have made the “Wall Street Journal” or “New York Times” bestsellers list with the Christian community. But to be honest, like I’m not disingenuous, so I wasn’t gonna chase that audience for a list. If the Christian community picks this book up and they kind of run with it, that would be amazing. It’s for them as well. Absolutely. But I was not going to. I just wasn’t going to be fake and be like, “Oh, Christian! Me! Woman of God!”

Candice 

Because you actually live, not like that over the top, but you live very much in your faith, right? It’s so integrated in everything that you do. So it’s funny to me that you even worried about it like you have an entire program that’s based on faith.

Rachel 

But it’s not based on–it’s not a Christian program. 

Candice 

It’s not but when you show up for it, you show up very much in your Christian self.

Rachel 

Oh, for sure. Yeah. Don’t join any of my programs. If you’re not okay with me talking about God, or when the internet cup set cuts out for me to say prayer warriors and then they go into pray. I’m praying, I’m rebuking the enemy. I’m commanding the Internet to come back. And so if you’re not available for that, then don’t come, and that’s okay. I still love you.

Candice 

So here’s my question for you. A lot of people talk to me about writing a book when their mother has left this world, when they no longer have this job, because they’re so worried about what other people are going to think and who’s going to be offended by something they put in their book, even if they’re not writing about those people, right? My mom doesn’t know the side of my life. My coworkers don’t know that. So what would you say to those people who are so worried about offending potential readers?

Rachel 

Well, I was gonna say something smart, but I’ll keep that comment for later. I’ll save it for later. Um, listen, I get it. There’s a part in the book where I say, “Let wisdom not worry to keep silent.” And so first of all, consider the impact of you telling this story. Is it harmful to them because it’s their story that you’re trying to tell? Or is it your story as well and you’re sharing your perspective and perception? There are some stories in my life that you will never, I promise you, I will not write about. Why? Because it’s not just my story to tell. And I know that if I told it, it would bring embarrassment and shame to someone that I love and care about. And I don’t want my work to have that impact on anyone. So I’m never going to tell that story. Or maybe I will tell that exact same story. And I will make it someone else’s story. So that’s the first part. The second part is: have the courage, to have the ovaries to have the conversation with the people and say, “Look, I’m writing this book. This is what I’ve written about you. I’d like you to read it. And if there’s any questions that you have, if there are any inaccuracies, or is there anything that you want to clear up? Please let me know I would be happy to have your side of the story to set the record straight. And if not, this is how it’s gonna go to print.”

So actually, I don’t know if I had shared this with you or if you remember but Chapter One of the book by the way, when you get my book, “Permission to Offend,” read the introduction. It is worth reading because I hate introductions. Remember that I don’t want to write one.

Candice

I don’t hate introductions. And yours is also great. It’s valuable content. Read it. Yeah.

Rachel 

Yeah, I wrote one worth reading. I hate introductions. They’re usually fluff. But the publisher made me write one. So we wrote one. But in chapter one, I opened up with a story about my husband and him not listening to me and me feeling frustrated or whatever. So one of my daughters said it would be really cool if Daddy, at the end of the book, Daddy shares his side of the story too. And I was like, that would be really cool. So I went to my husband, I said, Hey, do you want to share your side of the story? This is what I’ve written.

And he doesn’t like to write. So he was—he looked at me he was like, I don’t really want to do it. I said, “You don’t have to do it. This was a suggestion your daughter came up with. I’m totally fine sticking with my story because I like my side of the story.” You know. And so that would, and he chose not to, but he was involved in the process. He was given every opportunity before this thing went to print to read it. Yeah. If he didn’t read it, that’s on him, but he had every opportunity.

Now one more thing about this. I forgot, Candice, that my mom did not know about what happened to me. The story that I use for the intro.

Candice 

Oh, I forgot. Oh, I didn’t realize that. I didn’t realize that either.

Rachel 

I forgot because it’s a story that I have not told often. And it’s something that I actually try not to think about at all. So I forgot so recently, like a week and a half, two weeks ago, I’m talking to my mom when, two weeks ago when the book came out and she got her book. She goes all my books have arrived. And then I was about to say what I say to everyone, read the intro, it’s worth reading. And then I’m like, Oh, by the way, Mom. I’m so sorry. I forgot to tell you this. Trigger warning. Brace yourself, because the intro starts with a very gripping story about something that happened to me that I never told you about. And I’m sorry. I should have told you that this happened. I didn’t. And I’m sorry that this is how you have to find out. Or don’t read it.

Candice

Just don’t read it. Yeah.

Rachel 

Skip it. You know, and I’m gonna venture to say that she hasn’t read it yet. And because she hasn’t said anything to me about it. She might not read it at all. I hope she doesn’t. Honestly, I hope she doesn’t. I don’t want her to.

Candice 

But if she does, you’ll still both be fine.

Rachel 

Well I mean, it is what it is. It happened, correct. And in the acknowledgments, and then this is the last tip I’ll say is that, in the acknowledgments, acknowledge the people that let you tell the story the way that you’ve told it. And I’m almost positive that I said that, like thank you for letting me share these stories that involve you. You know, I did not know a couple of actually, oh my gosh, look, I’m gonna get a lump in my throat because this is sad, and it goes to what you’re speaking about. Okay.

My mom is actually my godmother. Before I was a public person, I only ever referred to her as my mom. Or mami. Yeah. If we were talking in onesies and twosies conversations, I might tell you my story about how my biological parents died when I was–my mom died when I was three and a half years old and I might tell you that story in a one-on-one passing.

Well, I can’t remember what happened but I started telling that story a little more because people as you start to be known people want to know where you come from. They want to know your background. They start digging around in your stuff. For sure. Right? And so, if you don’t want people digging around in your stuff, don’t be an author. Don’t be an entrepreneur. Don’t be a coach, do not have any presence on social media whatsoever. Yeah, that’s the only way that you can protect yourself from people digging around. But even then that’s not true. Because you know, you got nosy coworkers and neighbors that are over the fences.

So if you want to get paid those big bucks, if you want the accolades, this is part of the job. It is part of the job. So I began telling my story more and I did not realize that it was hurting her. It was hurting her to be constantly referred to as my godmother. And she was grieving the loss of a family member, and she was very cold with me, and I was like, “what is—why are you being this way to me?” And like she just had this moment in her grief. You know, she basically let me know like you. So I’m just your godmother, and I was like,” no, you’re not like I say all the time, call her my godmother and watch you get punched in the face.” Right? How many times have you heard me say that?

Candice 

This woman raised you.

Rachel 

This is my mother, but biologically, someone else gave birth to me, and I do still believe and I maintain this. I have to honor that woman. Well, and I give her credit because she gave me life. But I also do say that my mother, my godmother, my mom who raised me, she saved my life because my biological mother wanted to abort me. And I give my mom credit for saving my life all the time. But we did have that moment where her feelings were hurt. Yeah, people’s feelings are gonna be hurt. They don’t have to stay hurt.

Candice 

But what you’re saying is you’re either willing to take the risk or you’re not at this point.

Rachel 

Yeah I guess that’s a nice short way to say it.

Candice 

You said the other things that weren’t necessary to write about. Talk to people and let them know this is happening. Don’t share things that you know could really be shaming or embarrassing to people you love and care about and if it’s their story, for sure. But at the end of the day, you’re either willing to take the risk of being public with parts of yourself or you’re not. Right. That’s right, it’s right. You did pan out and open a great book.

Okay, my friend. I could talk to you all day, but we’ve exceeded our time so tell the people where they can find you. If they don’t already know you and follow you.

Rachel 

Well, since you’re already listening to a podcast, go ahead and subscribe to my podcast called Permission to Offend. It’s available where all podcasts are streamed. So while you’re listening on your device, go ahead and search it up. You will see me and my face and a hot pink cover.

You can visit me at Rachelluna.com And for sure, I would love for you to grab a copy of my book, “Permission to Offend: The Compassionate Guide for Living Unfiltered and Unafraid.” Thank you my friend.

 

Candice 

You are just one of my favorite people in the whole wide world. Not just favorite clients, not just favorite coaches, but favorite people. I’m so glad you came on today.

Rachel 

Thank you. And I love you. I can’t wait to work on book number three.

Candice

I’m ready when you are.

Thanks for listening to “Nothing but the Words.” I’m Your Book Coach, Candice L. Davis, and I’ll see you next time.

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